Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Discouraged

My soul is discouraged. Today was a tough day for me. I am having a hard time dealing with "my life." I am just tired!! I hate sitting here crying about all that my son has to endure. I am tired of having over 12 appointments a week. I want my boy to walk and eat normally (preferably right now.) I want to be able to go on a real date with Donny, not one where we can only be out for a little bit before we have to come home and hook him up to food, or give him his medication. I want to not feel stressed . I want our family to be able to go on a vacation. I want Ty to be able to go to a better school. I want to be redeemed from my past (which I am in the process of working on). I want more Lord and I want a break. I want to always "trust in Your lovingkindness"- Psalm 13:5. Lord, please fill my heavy heart. I need a bucket full of peace, patience, and grace. I trust in your plan. Please allow me to be able to stand back and look at the forest, b/c right now I feel like I am in it. I love you Lord, you are good.
Kristi

4 comments:

Jenifer said...

As I began reading your post, the song, "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord" started up. That's the bottom line, huh? Blessed be the name of the Lord.

I'm sorry you are discouraged, Kristy. The Lord's mercies are new every morning. I pray He'll lift your heart today with some special gift of joy that is just for you--something that is exactly what you need.

Thank you so much for your transparency. I hope you are not feeling like you're going through this in a fishbowl. I felt that way some last year. However, people have told me over and over that my transparency encouraged their faith. You go, girl!

Much love and prayers,
Jenifer Morrell

Erika said...

Kristi, I don't blame you for feeling discouraged. You're in the middle of a very trying time! (Duh.) We continue to pray for you, praying for peace, endurance, and hope and praying for your son too. Hold strong little root!

Anonymous said...

Kristi, Feeling like Job's cousin? I do hope that since the post you have gotten some form of uninterrupted rest. Kristi you are pulled in every emotional direction possible and it is a miracle of God that you are still 'standing.' This level of exhaustion won't always be so intense, some things will taper off..the spiritual connections that you are forming with the Lord right now...watching your son suffer...will give you a deeper and more appreciation for His love for you. May you be blessed with a fresh level of TRUST and a rest in the midst of the storms. Isa 30.18 "Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you and He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice, how blessed are all those who long for Him." so dear Kristi..you are blessed...because you seek Him. Carol

Summer said...

Kristi, you are a trooper. I was watching the Olympics last night... the women's marathon (26.6 miles of crazy) and after reading your post I have to say that you've been through a remarkably more difficult kind of rigorous training... long hours, pain, brokenness, the whole shebang. The thing is, your gold medal isn't going to be here on earth, but holy moly, you're going to have a HUGE, HEAVY crown from the King in heaven when your race is done. What a victory lap you'll have. Way cooler than the Olympics.

Not many people could do what you do. I commend your patience and grace and for only now, after this long, expressing being fed up. You're one of a kind. Hang in there!